Ego vs. Intuition
Shifting From Reactive to Responsive Leadership
We've all witnessed reactive leadership in action:
A leader is defensive when questioned, teams hesitate to voice concerns, and decision-making happens from a place of fear rather than intention.
The culture feels tense, guarded, and fragile.
What’s the cost? Degraded trust, lack of healthy debate, zero commitment to an aligned strategy, and subpar results. Oh, and people dread coming to work.
But there's an alternative way to lead that recognizes and prioritizes the human side of leadership to bolster organizational health and, therefore, outcomes.
Responsive leadership develops when we pause between stimulus and response.
When we listen rather than wait to speak. When we seek understanding before seeking to be understood. When we lead with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
When we’re not worried about being right but grounded in discovering the best information, regardless of where it comes from.
This dynamic builds trust and creates genuine commitment rather than compliance—it’s the difference between leading with responsibility or authority.
What determines whether we lead reactively or responsively?
The answer lies in which internal dialogue we follow in moments of high emotion or adversity—our ego or intuition.
The Duality Within
To lead others effectively, we must first master leading ourselves.
Self-leadership requires awareness of the internal states that drive our actions, especially when faced with people or circumstances that trigger or throw us off balance.
When we’re dysregulated internally, we fail to lead externally.
Our ego—the critic—operates from a place of protection, fear, and self-preservation. It's loud, cyclical, and often demands immediate attention. When triggered, it causes us to justify, defend, and sometimes lash out.
Our intuition—the guide—operates from a place of intention, clarity, and alignment with our core values. It's quiet and persistent and offers direction rather than demands. When we listen to it, we respond rather than react.
Reactive Leadership: Recognizing Ego’s Influence
The ego isn’t inherently bad—it just is. It’s a fundamental part of our human psychology. Ego isn’t the enemy but an inherent part of us that we must allow to serve its purpose and nothing more.
It intends to protect us from threats, but now, in the absence of legitimate daily danger, it labels everything as a threat:
When receiving feedback that challenges our self-identity
During moments of uncertainty where our competence feels questioned
In situations where we feel like we might lose control or status
When ego drives our leadership, we become fixated on:
How others perceive us
Defending past decisions regardless of the outcome
Accumulating power and authority rather than delegating it
Avoiding vulnerability at all costs
The result? A leadership style that makes us unapproachable to those we’re supposed to be leading. But we can’t lead them unless we lead us first.
Responsive Leadership: Acting in Intuition
Intuition operates differently—and set aside any “woo-woo” perceptions you have about this topic and keep it practical. Intuition is simply that gut feeling that we often feel yet ignore.
It’s capable of overcoming our emotional reactions and forming intentional responses. Rather than ruminating on fears or desires, intuition allows us to detach from the defensive, fragile state to a position of strength and clarity.
When intuition guides our leadership, we:
Listen intently without immediately putting up our guard
Stay present in tense situations rather than going into a mental swirl
Align decisions with core values instead of temporary comfort
Gain influence through trust and connection rather than authority
Leaders who often behave and make decisions rooted in intuition have better team relationships and influence.
They shift to “What can I learn?” rather than “How can I prove I’m right?”
Shifting From Ego to Intuition
Here's the reality—every leader has an ego. It's human nature. There's no way around it. The skill lies in recognizing when the ego is driving, regulating its influence, and shifting to intuition.
It’s awareness, intention, and a new set of rewired habits.
When you have time to process:
Sense which voice is louder. Ego thoughts are often noisy, critical, and cyclical. Intuition feels like a quiet, encouraging nudge—notice which is dominating.
Shift from judgment to observation. If you realize you’re behaving in ego, watch the behaviors and be curious. What triggered you and why? If it’s an irrational thought or fear, let it be that and move on.
Identify the story you're telling yourself. Ego amplifies everything, creating distorted "what-ifs" and worst-case thinking narratives. Write these thoughts down to objectify them. Try to figure out what you need at that moment.
Notice how different options feel in your body. Does a potential decision feel expansive (open, light, forward-moving) or contractive (tight, heavy, backward-moving)? Expansive = intuition; contractive = ego. Pay attention to what is shaping your thinking.
In real-time situations:
Return to your values. Ask: "How would I show up in alignment with what matters most to me?" If your values are defined and something you revisit often, this can be used in real time with a brief pause.
Regulate through breath. Your breath is the control panel of your nervous system. Simple techniques like box breathing or a physiological sigh can shift your nervous system from reactive to responsive. If I can teach my two-year-old to do this effectively, this is something to pay attention to.
Practice gratitude. Gratitude and defensiveness cannot coexist—they are incompatible feelings. It’s an immediate, practical way to work toward shifting your perspective.
Create distance. Physically push back from the table or step back from the situation and mentally zoom out to see the bigger picture. This gives your body a sensation of detaching from what’s triggering you.
Name what's happening. Simply stating, "I'm feeling defensive right now," can create space between stimulus and response and disarm the situation.
Lastly, when you see someone operating from ego, remember that something like arrogance often comes from insecurity. A little bit of compassion goes a long way.
The more we become curious instead of judgmental, the more we’ll be able to see past all the clouded perceptions and stories to the reality and truths.
The Advantage
Leaders who understand their internal dialogue earn a distinct advantage.
They make decisions aligned with long-term values and vision, and logic prevails over emotion.
They build psychological safety within their teams so that they can access accurate information from those closest to the action to make better decisions.
Most importantly, they model the self-awareness they wish to see in their teams and can support them through the process.
Intuition As a Practice
Developing this competency is an ongoing development. When you pay attention, you see patterns and make quicker adjustments.
Every challenging interaction, hard decision, or critical feedback becomes an opportunity to strengthen your ability to discern between ego and intuition.
With awareness and practice, you'll respond more and react less.
You'll notice that defensiveness gives way to curiosity, fear to courage, and rumination to perspective.
And that's when your leadership truly evolves—not just the results you produce but also the impact and influence you have on those you lead.
Feel the emotions, but don't let them drive. Know the difference between ego and intuition, and learn how to sense, regulate, and make the shift.
Once you realize that many of your limitations are self-imposed and begin to lead yourself effectively, doors will open that you never knew existed.
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I really like this dichotomy between ego and intuition. You lay it out perfectly and explain it clearly. I never really thought about it this way before, but the ideal might be to strike a balance between the more positive aspects of ego (self-protection, motivation, etc.) and intuition as you describe it.
This struck a chord—especially the distinction between leading with responsibility vs. authority. That framing alone has so many ripple effects on team dynamics, trust, and long-term outcomes.
I also appreciated the gentle reframing of ego—not as the villain, but as a protective instinct that just needs boundaries. That nuance often gets lost in leadership discourse. Thanks for articulating this so clearly (and practically).