To navigate people, situations, and circumstances effectively in a leadership dynamic, we must understand and embrace who we are—we must be self-aware.
We will consistently face challenges that cause us to question our behaviors, actions, or even identity—adversity that will try to throw us off center.
Identifying our values, principles, strengths, and blindspots is foundational to understanding and leading ourselves.
But there’s another aspect of ourselves we must cultivate awareness of—two internal dialogues that drive our decisions, actions, and behaviors:
Ego and intuition.
Our ego is a critic that influences our emotional triggers and reactions.
Our intuition is a guide that influences our logical reasoning and responses.
Keeping our egos in check as a leader is a cornerstone of self-awareness.
Understanding and regulating our emotions is a strength. Unregulated emotions, however, often create inherent blindspots and counterproductive behaviors.
Leaders who listen to ego may be overly concerned with power, recognition, reputation, status, and control.
Conversely, leaders who listen to intuition and operate from a place of listening to their gut insight tend to lead more empathetically, adaptively, and effectively.
Here’s the reality, though - every leader has an ego. It’s human nature. There’s no way around it. It’s about learning to operate within it.
If we can acknowledge our desires, insecurities, and discomforts, our ego loses power, quiets down, and becomes more of a friend than an enemy. This is why awareness is critical.
The skill lies in recognizing the difference, regulating ego, and shifting to intuition—this competency must be learned and developed with repetition.
But first, let’s understand the differences and identify how they manifest so that regulation is possible.
Recognizing the difference
Ego and intuition represent two distinct aspects of our self-awareness, each playing a unique role in how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.
Understanding their differences, especially in our internal dialogue, can help us navigate our thoughts and decisions more effectively.
Ego
The ego is often associated with our sense of self or perception of our identity. It encompasses our thoughts, beliefs, fears, and attitudes and can be viewed as a mediator between ourselves and the external world.
The ego is concerned with how others perceive us. It strives for approval, achievement, and control. It’s grounded in the material and social world, focusing on comparison, competition, and accumulating resources and assets.
It’s meant to serve and protect us, but in today’s world, it often has the opposite effect; it tries to protect us from things that aren’t dangerous.
It’s neither good nor bad—it just is.
But there are aspects to watch out for regarding how we behave, show up, and interact with those around us, especially when we judge and criticize ourselves and others.
Awareness and mindfulness are the best systems to put in place to keep our ego in check.
Intuition
Intuition, on the other hand, is subtler and more profound. It’s calm and reassuring, never judgemental. It provides guidance softly, often through feelings, sensations, or sudden insights.
Call it a gut feeling (much research has been done on the brain-gut connection, with Dr. Michael Gershon being one of the leading researchers since 1999), hunch, or inner knowing; it doesn’t matter. There’s a reason it’s referred to as the sixth sense.
Whether we know it or not, it's always guiding us. And if we aren’t, there are things we can listen for to tap into the ability to make better decisions, find creative solutions to problems, and navigate complex life situations.
Most importantly, it transcends the emotional dynamics of the ego, which gets caught up in desires, fear, and hesitance. Intuition acknowledges these feelings but does not ruminate on them.
Here’s a breakdown of the high-level differences:
Sensing, Regulating, and Shifting
At this point, you may be wondering, who cares?
Talking about ego and intuition may seem “woo-woo” or simply confusing if it’s not something you’ve explored before, so I’ll try to break this down practically so we can all relate to these situations we face in leadership.
Let’s organize this by the time available to process and respond. As leaders, we’re often in situations where we have time to process and others where things are happening in real-time, and we must have systems in place for both.
When You Have Time to Process
Let’s assume we’re approaching a difficult decision and immediately sense discomfort.
Chronic indecision is not only inefficient and counterproductive but also corrosive. As leaders, we must learn to move through these thoughts or feelings, not suppress or avoid them.
Curiosity is our best friend here, and we should lead ourselves by asking reflective questions:
Sensing: Which voice is louder - feeling or thinking?
The ego is often tied to loud, cyclic, critical thoughts. Intuition is more of a quiet, encouraging, persistent physical feeling. Sense your state as you consider the discomfort.
Let’s assume the ego is driving—we sense that we’re emotional.
What specifically am I thinking? Write it down—whether it’s fear, hesitance, doubt, etc.—and clarify precisely what the thoughts are saying.
The most important part here is to avoid overriding ego, which will only make it louder. First, thoughts and emotions must be acknowledged.
Example: My thoughts are running the show. They are full of fear because if I make this decision to focus our sales efforts, we may lose significant revenue if we don’t get it right.
Regulating: What story am I telling myself?
Here’s the concerning part about ego—it often amplifies EVERYTHING.
Therefore, the narrative and story we create are distorted versions of reality. Yet, we tend to believe them if we don’t remind ourselves of our ego's natural tendency to bend, twist, and exaggerate the facts.
Again, write it down. What is the story our thoughts are creating?
Notice the “if-then” or “what if” fear-driven thinking. Now that it’s on paper, it’s objectified, and we can shift to intuition and facts—ego loses power with awareness of the distortions and extremes.
Example: I’m telling myself that it’s safer to go broad on our sales strategy instead of getting narrowly focused. I fear we could put ourselves out of business if we don’t hit our marks with the focused strategy.
Shifting: Does it feel expansive or contractive?
Now, we can downshift into intuition, listening for calm, internal guidance and reasoning instead of the fear-driven internal safety system.
First and foremost, don’t overcomplicate this question. Consider:
Expansive - shoulders and chest open up, a feeling of forward motion, excitement
Contractive - shoulders and chest pull in, a feeling of moving back, dread
This isn’t about thinking; it’s about feeling. Expansive will feel light and joyful, while contractive will feel heavy and create unease.
This is where “trusting your gut” comes into play. Clarity comes from engagement—we’ll never have all the information to decide.
Example: Based on the market, our client/user needs discovery, and listening to the team and advisors, I know the facts point toward a more focused sales approach. My fear is rooted in the discomfort of leaving the other side of the business. However, I feel a general sense of expansion when considering allocating more resources to our core focus.
A couple of things to watch out for:
Feedback from those we trust is one of our best leadership tools. We never have to do this alone; in many cases, we shouldn’t. Body language is pretty clear when talking about something, but we often need feedback to receive that objective, unbiased reflection.
Fear or nerves will always be present. It’s not about suppressing the ego but quieting it (consider the nerves of getting on stage and speaking—don’t confuse that with a true feeling of contraction). Nerves can be reframed as excitement.
This is never black and white or clear cut. The ego will often try to disguise itself as intuition by getting quiet but still having that same tone of fear and doubt. That’s where asking ourselves questions and writing our thoughts help us reflect on what’s going through our heads.
When You Don’t Have Time to Process
We also face many leadership situations where there is no time to go through the process above:
We’re in a tense meeting where emotions are in full swing
We’re receiving hard feedback and feel our egos kicking in
Under these circumstances, there are a few systems we can follow in the moment to proactively stay in an intuitive mode or shift back if we’re already in ego:
Define your values—this is why having personal values is critical. We can always ask ourselves, how would I show up in alignment with my values?”
Breathe—this is the most powerful tool for regulating our nervous system. Box-breathing and the physiological sigh are the simplest, immediate, discrete methods. We can use this whenever we feel ourselves drifting into a dysregulated or emotional state.
Zoom out—If we're in a tense meeting, we can push back from the table or desk (even if virtual). Even momentarily detaching from the situation creating the emotion can help us return to a calm state. When we’re in emotion, we get narrowly focused and forget the big picture.
Infuse Gratitude—If we’re receiving hard feedback, feeling grateful for the opportunity to learn and improve will help us snap out of any emotions that may arise driven by ego. Gratitude and defensiveness are incompatible feelings that can’t be felt simultaneously.
Communicate it—we all have egos; it’s human nature. Sometimes, it looks like, “Hey, I’m feeling frustrated. Can I take a minute?” This will gain so much more trust than yelling or losing our temper.
Learn to be with the constant stream of thoughts, especially the self-deprecating type, instead of working against them
When spinning our wheels on the 123rd time of the same rumination, we can ask, “Is this useful?”
The bottom line is to understand that most stories and narratives we tell ourselves are false, do not define us, and hold us back.
Feel the emotions, but don’t let them drive. Know the difference between ego and intuition, and learn how to sense, regulate, and make the shift.
Once we realize that many of our limitations are self-imposed and begin to lead ourselves, doors will open.