Lead With Who You Are
The Art of Looking Inward to Produce Outward
In this newsletter, I highlight the importance of leading with character and why self-awareness creates the foundation for effective leadership:
Shifting the paradigm to lead with who you are, not what you do
Understanding that leadership development is human development
Implementing a practical approach to answer, “Who am I?”
Leading authentically is not a style; it's a commitment to aligning our actions and behaviors with the version of ourselves we desire to become.
It’s an unwavering understanding of who we are and how we want to show up in the world—something we should never compromise on.
It’s the firmest boundary we should enact and a crucial element of a well-rounded leadership strategy centered on an always-becoming, never-arriving mindset.
Most leadership training focuses on skills and abilities and suggests recommendations for what you have to do.
Competencies are necessary and critical to leading and building trust, but consider how you might change the paradigm by leading first with character.
Who do you need to be? Better yet, who do you WANT to be?
Too often, we get stuck in the mechanics of leadership while overlooking the most fundamental step of understanding ourselves.
This is an opportunity to align our actions with our desired identity and encourage and empower others to do the same.
How might we develop a leadership approach that prioritizes self-awareness and personal growth, recognizing this as the foundational difference between a high-performing and dysfunctional team?
How can we support and guide others through the development process, demonstrating our care for them as individuals while instilling the necessary competencies to succeed in leadership and business?
Let’s first step back and characterize leadership more broadly.
Leadership development is human development
Consider all facets of leadership that weave together the themes of aligning and empowering a team around a collective set of goals and objectives.
What does it all come back to?
Fundamental and innate human needs: physiological safety and security, belonging and connecting, self-esteem, and self-actualization.
Too often, leadership training focuses solely on competencies, overlooking the essential character aspects that enable us to build genuine relationships, establish trust, and form the foundation of our leadership approach.
Trust is essential for healthy debate and conflict, peer-to-peer accountability, commitment to a shared objective, and achieving long-term, sustainable results.
Trust and high performance stem from a focus on both character and competence. Without intentional design of how we show up, our strengths and abilities lack intrinsic alignment with our values and standards.
So, where do we begin?
Starting with self-awareness
To lead is to teach, and to learn is to lead.
We can only teach others the art of looking inward if we understand it ourselves and become curious about the possibility of evolving that understanding.
We must lead ourselves first to lead others effectively, starting with developing self-awareness—both who we are today and who we want to be tomorrow.
“Who am I?” can be an intimidating, deeply philosophical, or spiritual question—but it doesn’t have to be.
Often, we answer by gravitating toward what we do.
I received this education. This is my role and title. I do X for Y company.
Okay, true. But let’s step back from what we do. Think a bit deeper and consider what makes you… YOU.
Over the past ten years, I have transitioned from a data scientist to a CEO while becoming a husband and father of three. I do not exaggerate when I say that doing this work changed my life and put me on a different trajectory.
As I was clarifying my identity, unwinding belief systems that didn’t serve me, and disassembling false stories I told myself, I sought a practical way to break this down into small chunks to reconstruct who I expect myself to be.
What’s your purpose? What do you care about?
Start with purpose—your why. When I earned the CEO role two years ago, I felt nothing. Why? Because I chased a title without purpose. I didn’t have a north star for my decisions or the impact I wanted to make.
Your purpose isn't what you do—it's the problems you're driven to solve. The impact you want to have. The difference you're uniquely positioned to make.
Take the time to reflect on the things that bring you joy and a genuine sense of fulfillment. Know the why behind your actions.
Mine is to help others recognize they are more capable than they believe as a way to pay forward what so many others have done for me.
As purpose defines the “why,” values represent the how…
What do you value?
Examine the values that serve as your internal guide and compass. How do you want to behave and show up? What are your standards?
Values help create the guardrails, so think about how these manifest in your personal and professional roles and responsibilities.
For instance, if curiosity is a core value, what does that look like in a tough meeting? How does that govern how you receive feedback? How do you respond when someone disagrees and has a different perspective?
There are many ways to reflect on values and define what best represents and serves you. I prefer reflecting on life experiences, which often influence how we individually perceive the world around us.
Here’s a framework I use to help people establish or clarify their values individually and collectively across an organization:
What are your strengths? What are your blind spots?
Know where you thrive and add value AND where you overlook certain tendencies.
Assessments are a great starting point. I prefer CliftonStrengths, which provides insight into both aspects.
Understanding strengths goes beyond the initial assessment. Pay attention to and reflect on patterns. What problems do people consistently bring to you? What challenges do you excel in? Where do you hear constant praise?
The whole point of an effective team is for everyone's unique perspectives and strengths to complement each other. Know yours so that you can direct your time and energy to where you create the most value.
What fills you up? What are you good at? What drains you?
Be aware of your energy and what lifts you. While your strengths may serve you well, it’s necessary to understand where that leaves you at the end of the day.
What we’re good at will filter into both energy-giving and energy-draining responsibilities and activities.
Understanding this dynamic can help you structure your schedule so you don’t feel drained or burned out daily. Choose to manage your priorities, not the other way around.
That’s critical for me because I want to show up for my team, my wife, and my three kids. This requires prioritization, focus, and awareness of how my energy is expended.
Lastly, developing strong self-awareness doesn’t happen in a silo…
Ask for Feedback
There are two parts to self-awareness:
Internal Self-Awareness - how we see ourselves regarding values, passions, aspirations, fit within our environment, reactions, and impact on others.
External Self-Awareness - understanding how others view us within the same.
Ask those in your support system whom you trust to serve as an objective reflection of your actions and behaviors. What can they confirm? What do they see differently? What would they add?
Completing the picture with external self-awareness helps us step outside of our perception and identify aspects we may not be able to see ourselves.
This approach may seem simple, but that’s the point. Creating guardrails for our identity, decisions, actions, and behaviors should be practical and iterative.
Self-awareness doesn’t come naturally. It takes experience, repetition, and intentional reflection; we don’t have to overcomplicate or overthink it.
Choose to define it yourself so that other people and circumstances do not define it for you.
Most importantly, write it down, especially your values. Define them, know them deeply, and live by them.
If you want others to understand you, you must clarify and know who you are.
To lead others effectively, you must learn to lead yourself first.
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I also offer leadership coaching. I focus on helping people align decisions, actions, and behaviors with values and principles. Schedule a free consultation here.
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Please forgive my off-schedule post - I had my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday, and other priorities ensued ahead of time!
Another excellent post! You had me at her first sentence: “Leading authentically is not a style; it's a commitment to aligning our actions and behaviors with the version of ourselves we desire to become.”
You are right that we are not what we do. We are what we value and how we act.